Do you keep asking yourself whether it’s a good idea to live with your ex or not? Well, it might not be such a great idea, but some people find themselves in a situation where they don’t have any other choice but to live with their ex. My friend and her ex-husband are currently in the same situation. She has no choice but to stay with her ex-husband because she doesn’t have enough money to rent another place, and most importantly, they have three beautiful kids and she doesn’t want to make them feel like they have a broken home. And to top it all off, they can’t afford the costs that comes along with divorce. She often feels uncomfortable but she has no choice but to be civil about it.
Separations and divorces are not anymore as easy as one spouse moving out and starting another life somewhere else. With the high costs of divorce and a decline in the housing market, many troubled couples are continuing to stay together because of financial hardships. Making a decision to continue living with your ex takes mutual respect and careful planning. This situation is filled with possible difficulties, but you can choose to do a couple of things to ensure you succeed in living with your ex despite the problems. Here are some tips to handle living with your ex:
Make sure none of you has romantic feelings towards the other anymore. In case any one of you doesn’t agree with the divorce or the breakup, it will be much harder for both of you to live in the same house. Both of you need to have an open conversation so that you both comprehend the particulars of your correlation and living arrangements.
You need to understand that friendship is vital and you need to set a time period for your staying together. It may be quite hard to be real friends with your ex-partner, depending on the cause of your divorce or breakup, but remember that you don’t have a choice. So you need to do all you can, however difficult it is, to make sure that your living together is less chaotic. Also, try and have a plan ready for when you’ll be moving out.
Come up with a comprehensive living arrangement. This arrangement needs to take into account where each one of you will be sleeping. Plan how to spend a great amount of your time and also sleep in separate places. Also, talk about the meal times. Some people may prefer to eat together, especially if there are children involved, like in my friend’s case, whereas others prefer to prepare the food and then eat separately.
Discuss about how you’ll handle each other’s dating plans. Even though this situation may perhaps be uncomfortable, you need to accept the situation and try to make it work out as smoothly as you possibly can. Try not to bring your dates to your home without giving your ex a warning. In case your ex brings his or her date home, try to be friendly and give them some privacy.
Treat you ex like you would treat any other housemate. Avoid arguing over small things like who drank the juice in the fridge or who left a used, dirty plate in the kitchen sink. Leave any conflict for the serious problems. Such an attitude will help stop your living situation from becoming filled with resentment and hostility.
Have separate bank accounts and separate your financial incomes. Creating different bank accounts and separating your income allows your living arrangement to feel less like a marriage and more like a housemate agreement.
Agree on your financial arrangements. Decide how much cash both of you can afford to pay for the bills and the living costs and put the financial agreement in writing. Discuss when every bill is due, write down the due dates of every bill and make sure you both have a copy.
Make house chore arrangements. Divide each chore between both of you and keep a chore plan on hand to make sure that all house chores are done.
Some people may say that living with an ex is impossible. Well, such sentiments may be understandable. There is always an unpleasant seed of jealousy that hurts, especially when you realize that your ex is out with someone else. But then again, you have to understand that your relationship or marriage is over and there is nothing you can do about that. Situations have forced both of you to continue living together and there is nothing you can do about that either. All you can do is to find ways to handle each other. This may be easier said than done but the above tips can help you pull through. Numerous couples all over the world have managed to live together even after breaking up. In case you have been in such a situation too, take a moment and share your experience with our readers.