All right, so anyone will tell you that getting back onto the dating scene straight after a breakup is thin ice, and how long you leave between your breakup and seeing another guy can change a lot of people’s perspectives about you and can even affect your confidence in your decisions. In some cases, it can be a good thing to move on quickly, forget about the time you lost and focus on what you can have in the future, but when you come out of a serious relationship, it can be another matter entirely.
So, you should ask yourself a few questions before you make your decision…
Question 1; How much money does he have? I’m kidding. If you ask yourself that then you may have to re-evaluate your priorities!
So, Question 1; Was it a mutual breakup? If you and your partner have separated on good terms, then it can be pretty healthy for you both to go your own way and move on at a pace you’re comfortable with. However, if your breakup was an emotional affair, and one or both of you have been left with pain, fear or other negative emotions, it can be helpful to look back on what happened before shacking up with anyone else.
Question 2; Have you moved on? No, really? So after a breakup, both sides can feel a whirlwind of emotions and sometimes they can cloud your vision and temporarily change how you feel about one and other. Moving on isn’t about what you will be telling your friends or your family, it is about how you feel after all the chaos has died down and you have had a chance to relax and think about the person you’ve broken up with. If you feel confident enough to strike out on your own, then by all means do so, but sometimes you miss the reasons you felt so intensely about your ex-partner.
Question 3; Have you spoken to anyone about it? Sometimes the best way to figure out how you feel, is to find out what others think. Try to bounce ideas off people, ask them their opinion and let that give you the ideas you need to know what you want to do with yourself. More often than not, talking to somebody can give you the confidence boost you need to deal with your situation.
Question 4; Am I doing this to get back at him? You might think you are above this, but trust me when I say I’ve met my fair share of people who appear self confident in chasing down a new guy straight after a breakup but within weeks they find themselves tearing up when they realize what they have done. Resentment can lead to wanting a certain sense of justice after a breakup, but taking a rebound guy is not the way to do it!
Question 5; What does HE want? It’s not as one-sided a question as it seems. Sometimes you can miss a rare moment when a man shows his true colours and makes a genuine effort to win back your love. This can be a serious thing to think about. In many cases, the next guy you date could simply be trying to beat your ex to the chase.
Okay, so let’s take a quick break. Up to now these five questions have been fairly tame, sometimes relationships break down because of very serious problems and they should be addressed as much as any other. If your breakup was a simple problem then just look back at what went wrong, ask yourself if you can fix it or not, hopefully it will be as simple as that. If not…
Question 6; Were you subject to abuse in your relationship? Remember, abuse comes in many forms and can be physical, verbal and psychological. If you are a victim of abuse, the relationship was unhealthy and your safety and happiness are what you should consider in these situations. Never feel afraid to report an abusive partner even if you are afraid to call them out.
Question 7; Do you and your ex have children together? This is a tough one. Children can change everything, and you will most likely be in some form of contact with the father throughout the children’s lives, so you must prepare yourself for feeling any number of emotions about this person on a daily basis, and ask yourself – “Am I doing the right thing for me AND my children?”
Question 8; Did he cheat on you? How many times I have seen a girl go back to someone who cheated on them and get burned again. I do not know, but I can tell you that ninety percent of the time you will regret going back to someone who did value you enough to keep their faith with you when you were together.
Question 9; Is it likely to happen again? Ask yourself this. If you were to try again with your previous relationship, do you see a different outcome in the cards? Mistakes can be made, and it can be hard to forgive people but sometimes that is all a person needs to really make an effort with the person they want to be with. If your ex partner has a history of failing to live up to the standard of man you can be with then you need to look ahead.
Finally, Question 10; What do you see in your future with your ex? Some girls tend to concentrate their feelings in a negative manner towards their ex boyfriend, which can be understandable in many cases. Sometimes, a calmer approach is necessary. Sit back, relax and think of the good times. Think of the bad times, too, because they’re important. Perhaps your partner is a thing of the past already and you already know what you need to do without even getting to this final question but if not, then it could be of great help to envisage a future with your ex. Your most sincere feelings can help you shape an image in your mind that could ultimately give you hope, and hope is a powerful feeling. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions in life, and after a breakup we can often feel like that relationship was a bad decision, but a year in the future we may well look back and wonder where it all went wrong, if it could have been saved, and which decision was truly a bad decision, the call to be with that person? Or the call to move on?
Everybody is different, and every relationship is unique, and that is what makes them such precious things. You can make a mistake twice and still learn from it, but you can also throw away a precious thing, and that can change your life.